In conversation with Vongole DeJaunje (pronounced de-haun-yeah); 82 year old self proclaimed masterchef, in his minimalist Japanese (prounounced Jap-un-ease) kitchen. The tiles are ancient greek and the wallpaper classic striped Victorian with peeled scratch marks in some corners. The latter, demystifies itself eventually.
"Chubby, wobbly broad. A wink and dimple does not maketh the dish. These brits need some slippering before they wake up with their breakfast tea and resolve to preheat the oven."
"But Von, Nigella sells like hot cakes. Her books, her shows. In fact she gives my business a run for its money."
"Tell 'em to stick to garnishing traffic signals with petunias."
"I quite fancy Londons streets. Flowers in every corner. Delightful."
"There are rodents in every street corner as well! Tomorrow rodents will cook. You'll fancy that?"
"I'm afraid Pixar holds the rights for that one Von."
"Huh?"
"You sure the onions aren't burnt?"
"It's called Saute-ing. Don't you think Saute is a sexy word?"
"Stop reading my blog and flirting with me."
"Pass the cherry tomatoes please". He seems displeased.
"So Chef," feigning interest , "when does the duck go in?"
"When its hard enough." Giggles to a wheeze.
Several diaphragmic undulations and hairballs later.
"You alright Chef Von?"
"I'm ok. You could use a dash of humor."
"I guess you're right. Doked Schmuck about ready?"
"Smoked Duck."
"Potatoe Potaato."
"None in this one sweetums."
He does have his moments of genuis. The next blog hopes to stumble upon it. Else he would've denied being in a serious relationship with A. Bourdain.
Or would he, Allen?
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